Consequences of Being a Pushover. Standing up for oneself is not always easy. Sometimes fear gets in the way of what is best for us, freezing us on the spot, and making us victims of our circumstances. Also, it is quite common to avoid being assertive when the pressure of being liked is high.

When you don’t stand up for what you really want, the cost to pay is high. Why be a spectator when you can live life to the fullest by being more assertive?

We’ve been a pushover at some point in our lives. For example, when we were kids and agreed on things that weren’t in the best of our interest to fit in a group. Unfortunately, some adults turn this behavior into a habit and this leads into problems. The biggest cost is paid with mental health, making people chronically sad and feeling like victims of other people’s behaviors.

Learning how to be assertive (and stand up for oneself) can take time, but is a path that only has one outcome: a happier and more fulfilling life. In this post I’ll share with you tips and ideas on how to start your assertiveness journey.

Consequences of Being a Pushover

               Being a pushover can be detrimental for mental health and personal goals. To the former, it is painful to be stepped by others. This pain is produced when the ego feels vulnerated –the brain can tell when one is being used as a means to another’s end. Getting stepped over negatively affects happiness and feelings of wellbeing. If done chronically, the person can end up believing there is nothing he can do to stand up for himself.

To the latter, because pushovers find it hard to deny anyone what they ask for, they have trouble working on their personal goals. Some are even influenced to change, leaving behind their true aspirations. Pushovers find it difficult to prioritize their ambitions over other people’s needs.

Why Standing Up for Oneself is so Hard?

               Most of the things that happen around us are beyond our control. Life has an agenda that doesn’t care about how we are feeling or if it affects us in any way. In order to get what we want, and to protect our rights, we have to put in the work and disagree with things we don’t want.

Standing up for oneself is hard because it requires effort. This effort has to be made daily, even when the circumstances at play are overwhelming. A Lack of confidence and fear can make us feel like we don’t stand a chance.

Assertiveness is the Key

Assertiveness is fundamental to stop being a pushover. To be more assertive first recognize the need to change. Feelings of sadness and the motivation for control are great drivers to start the journey.

Once recognized, the next step is to visualize how an assertive person behaves in different situations. For example, saying “no” when needed, disagreeing with others, giving a contrary opinion, and expressing a negative emotion without being aggressive are things assertive people do.

When you are assertive you are defending your rights without hurting others.

Avoid at all costs being aggressive – this will dismiss anything you say. Your goal is to leave a clear and loud message, that you disagree with being pushover. It is up to the person to change, not you.

Remember that assertiveness doesn’t work against people that want to hurt or abuse you. It this case it is best to use personal defense tactics or get away.

Conclusion

Standing up for oneself is not always easy. The pressure of being liked and fear, usually to get in the way of assertiveness. When you don’t stand up for what you really want, the cost to pay is high. The consequences of being a pushover can be detrimental for mental health and personal goals.